This is one of those post you’ll just have to excuse me about.
I have two older brothers. I don’t see them much, as a matter of fact I don’t really see them at all. They are really half brothers — whatever that means. I guess what it means is that they are my Dad’s children, but not my Mom’s. I guess it also means its messy.
I’m on the verge of seeing my oldest brother, Donn, this weekend and I’m nervous about it. I’ve actually seen him before — once in the last 25 years or so. A couple of years ago when Educause was in Seattle I took a cab out to his house and spent an evening with he, his wife, and his daughter. It was a difficult evening on lots of levels, an evening that really left me stunned and emotionally drained when it came to an end. At the same time it was an amazing opportunity to meet someone who was at once so much like me and yet so different. The thing that stands out the most is how after he dropped me off in downtown Seattle I stood and cried on the street trying to put it into perspective.
I’ve been here before. My other brother, Slade, has had a similar effect on me over and over again. While Donn has been consistent in his distance, Slade had for many years floated in and out of my life. It hit a high of participation in college as we were relatively close by — he in Wheeling, WV and I in Morgantown, WV. I do remember a handful of really amazingly fun and emotional nights hanging out with him. Each sort of ending with the same promise that we’d be closer only to have us disappear from each others’ radar for months if not years at a time. I miss him, but have no idea how to get back … its been close to 10 years since I’ve spoken to him.
So on Sunday my brother, Donn, will be coming to see me right here at my own house. I feel the weight of the reunion and the pressure of making it right. Even with all the distance and lack of contact, he’s my big brother. I guess I hope for once in my life that it lasts a little longer than in the past. We shall see, but I think I know how it’ll go down.
Thanks for indulging … I needed to write.